Flood warnings. Rising river levels. Villages in Somerset cut off from dry land for almost a month. Met Office warnings dominating the news. And then the environmentalists and the conservationists say ‘Bring back beavers’.
When I saw that article in the Guardian this morning, I couldn’t stop myself from giggling as I wasn’t thinking about the furry rodent at all. In saying that, it made me think and I’m considering the value of starting my own campaign – Bring back the Beaver.
I too, like the thoughtless farmers in the flood regions, got rid of my dam beaver. But that was long ago, long before the days of the smartphone or twitter or I might have taken a selfie and tweeted the pic. I can’t even remember what my beaver looked like, though it can’t have been too furry as I used to swim a lot and people would have noticed if my swimming costume had a fur edging.
Thinking back, it was well over ten years ago, because I remember an incident with my daughter, who was maybe fifteen or sixteen at the time. She was coming down the stairs and I was standing in the hall. I was on the phone at the time, on the landline. She was wearing a pair of low rise jeans, cut so low her pelvic bones showed over the waistband. The zip was barely two inches long. Her belly was exposed as she teamed the jeans with a cropped t-shirt. I noticed something dark at the top of the waistband. As she moved further down the stairs, I could see it was a bush! I ended the call immediately. I knew those jeans were bordering on indecency, but my poor daughter, I couldn’t let her go out with her muff on display. Incidentally, Muff is a small village in Donegal where they have a diving club. You can join online and receive a membership card or even buy the t-shirt. When she saw the look of terror on my face she burst out laughing, reached down and pulled out the ‘beaver’. It was her idea of a joke. She had gathered the hair from her hairbrush and made her very own merkin!
So if we bring back the beaver, here are some thoughts.
- How much water would we save by not shaving?
- How much money would we save by not waxing?
- How much time would we get back to do other things?
- The art of muff diving could be revived.
- No more spotty or itchy foofoos.
- It would be like having a pet, just one that doesn’t eat or bark.
And, if you’re not so sure you could make the change, make a merkin first. You can be sure that the carpet will match the curtains.